Now, what will Interdependence take?
What should we do to achieve Public Victory--victory for everyone?
One of the keys is to think win-win. There are six interaction paradigms: Win-Win, Win-Lose, Lose-Win, Lose-Lose, Win, and Win-Win or Not At All.
To make it simple, the best interaction, if possible, is Win-Win Or Not At All.
To think win-win means knowing that there is a solution for everyone, that there is Third Alternative, a better, higher way.
Most people have the win-lose, lose-win, or even worse, lose-lose paradigm.
Win-lose is when you get what you want by hurting others.
Lose-win is when you let others win by making yourself lose.
Lose-lose is when you think "Well if I don't win, why should others win? I'll make sure they'll lose too!"
So then, to get into win-win solution, we must be able to handle things well, we must be able to change everyone's paradigm into a win-win one.
Sounds so hard? It's not, actually.
First, we must know ourselves first. What does winning mean to us? It must be something that's in tune with our hearts, our vision, our principles.
Once we know what winning means to ourselves, we need to know what it means to others.
Win-win also needs a good character. What makes a good character, anyway?
As Covey said, it's about integrity, maturity, and Abundance Mentality.
Integrity is the value we hold on to. Such as honesty, loyalty, trust, etc.
We all have different values, depending on what has been taught to us by our parents, the environment, and also by our experiences (that we choose to believe). It is really important since it is our foundation to do everything else to win with others.
Covey defined maturity as a balance between courage and consideration. Let's put it this way:
|taken from creative-dunning.blogspot.com|
"A high courage and consideration are both essential fpr Win-Win solution. Balance is the real sign of maturity. If we have it, we can listen, we can understand with empathy, but we will be able to confront bravely."
It's a paradigm that there is always enough cake for everyone.
Most people live their lives by the Scarcity Mentality, where there's just a cake out there for everyone. This kind of mentality actually hardens us to achieve the things we want. It makes us think small, and it also makes us be a narrow-minded person. It's not right.
While abundance mentality comes from within, from our self-value and our secure feeling. This mentality makes us think bigger, and in the end it'll make our hearts grow bigger too and we'll be able to listen more and know what people want--and help each other achieve goals together.
After building characters, we build relationship(s). It takes trust end withdrawal and deposit actions from the emotional bank account.
Now that relationship is built, we can now have agreement.
It is easier said than done, though. Win-win solution needs process. Make sure that both of you have shared your thoughts and hopes for the agreement. If it seems like you're not getting a win-win solution, you better choose Not At All option.
But sometimes there are cases where Not At All is not even an option. You won't choose to not care at all when it comes to dealing with your your parents, right?
"Best option depends on reality. The challenge is to read the reality well and know how to respond well."