"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference" - Robert Frost

May 13, 2014

Habit 5: Seek to Understand First... Then to be Understood (7 Habits by Stephen Covey)

If you've read this blog since the very beginning I wrote books review, you might have realized how often I've said the sentence "there's no one-size-fits-all answer to every question". And you probably think that it's true.

Each and every one of us has different DNA. Difference is what makes us unique. These differences sometimes lead us to different ways to solve things. (If you agree with this, please let me know).

So many of us realize how tough life can be. How we keep telling ourselves to be & stay strong. How we seek for higher ways to live life better. How in the end we realize that others might experience the things we experience, too. Or that maybe others feel the same way we do. At this point, some of us want to help them.

We want to make other people be able to solve their problems. 
We want to let them know that they're not alone. 
We want to make them sure that there's still hopes, that there's still possibilities.
We want them to live life better.

But maybe, just maybe, we're lack of experience of communicating with people. What we want to say to them is good, but is it what they need?
Oops, now we know. We haven't listened to them well. Yet.

So then, for all of us who feel the need to be better at communicating with people, or maybe if you are one of the big dreamers, you want to help people live their lives better, we should try applying Habit 5: Seek to understand first, then to be understood.

As humans we often listen to other people, not to understand--but to reply. I don't know, I think mostly we listen just to make others stop talking just so we can start talking about our own stories lol.
Covey said, "When listening, people filter everything through their own paradigm and then read their autobiography to other people's life."

"Yeah man, I feel you!"
"Well, you haven't known mine. It's weirder."
"I once experienced that. All you need to do is bla-bla-bla....."

Developing Habit 5 needs us to bigger our hearts; to be ready to listen to others. The key is "empathy".
We don't have to not every time others talk to us, nor do we have to say good-quote things to them. What we need to do is to listen emphatically.

It takes times at the beginning, but it will save a lot of time once we start developing this skill. 
Be patient. Show respect. Bigger your heart.

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